


dont go

by abo_trash



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, Ghosts, Period-Typical Homophobia, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 06:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10680087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abo_trash/pseuds/abo_trash
Summary: “What?” she asked, blinking a few times, and Veronica didn't even raise up. She just kept scribbling on the paper, her first draft for some dumb newspaper article or something like that, and Heather wanted to snatch the paper away and crumble it up, so that Veronica would look at her again. But she couldn't. She couldn't do anything, besides stand there, and exist. Just for Veronica. No one else could see her, so her entire existence, it was just for Veronica. And no one else.“At that party, the night before you died. I should have kissed you. I think about that a lot. If I had just kissed you, when you had forced me to look at you, then maybe you'd still be alive. I wanted to kiss you, ya know? But I was scared of you, scared of what you'd do to me. So I didn't. I've regretted it every night since."





	dont go

**Author's Note:**

> TW: suicide
> 
> okay. so. i have a lot of emotions regarding heather chandler, and the life she didnt get to live. and i have a lot of emotions for veronica, and the life shed be forced to life. so this came about. just be warned its. dark.

“I should have kissed you.” The voice threw her off, her gaze torn away from the window she had been staring at, and she looked to Veronica's hunched form. She had been writing something for work for the last few hours, and Heather had been watching out the window, confined to the room that Veronica existed in, but not daring to interact with her. She was used to Veronica ignoring her, had gotten used to it at some point anyways, and she was used to ignoring her in return. It had become their lives. Ignoring each other existed, even when she was physically dragged room to room with her.

She was the only ghost that had stuck around after Veronica had graduated, besides that static figure that lurked in the corners when Veronica slept, and that meant a lot of her time had been spent with Veronica. Every moment since Kurt and Ram had slipped from this plane of existence to the next, really. With them gone, it was just her. Just herself and Veronica, because Veronica had no one else, hadn't since she had lost contact with her friends when college started. It was just the two of them, in their weird existence together, and Veronica had taken to ignoring that she existed when college started. She had taken to ignoring her back a year later, when she realised that there was no hope after Veronica yelled at her to shut up, and never said another word to her.

This, this was the first time Veronica had spoken to her in at least ten years. Or maybe longer, she was't too sure. When she had no need to keep up with time, she didn't. Not any more. Regardless, Veronica was older now, a mature woman, with a respectable job, and her own apartment, and didn't need Heather's company, even if it was all she had. Sure, she would mumble in her sleep sometimes, telling Heather that she missed her or that she really did care about her- a damn lie, or else she would have said something to her face- but they hadn't even acknowledged each other's existence since Veronica had last yelled at her to shut up, one final time, just before a midterm in her sophmore year of college. And it confused her.

“What?” she asked, blinking a few times, and Veronica didn't even raise up. She just kept scribbling on the paper, her first draft for some dumb newspaper article or something like that, and Heather wanted to snatch the paper away and crumble it up, so that Veronica would look at her again. But she couldn't. She couldn't do anything, besides stand there, and exist. Just for Veronica. No one else could see her, so her entire existence, it was just for Veronica. And no one else.

“At that party, the night before you died. I should have kissed you. I think about that a lot. If I had just kissed you, when you had forced me to look at you, then maybe you'd still be alive. I wanted to kiss you, ya know? But I was scared of you, scared of what you'd do to me. So I didn't. I've regretted it every night since,” Veronica sighed, and she took a step closer. If she had blood, it would have been chilled, but there was nothing left there to freeze. Instead, there was that same boiling anger, the same anger she had bubbling up inside her entire life, and had carried over to her death. One that spit acidic words and barbs meant to dig in deep and hurt.

“I wouldn't kiss you, even if my life had really depended on it,” she hissed, and Veronica just shrugged, still not looking up. She glared at her back, hating the way she slumped forward when she wrote. Terrible posture. She hated it, and wanted to correct her. All she could do though, really, was glare, because there way no way in hell she was letting Veronica know she cared about her.

“Didn't say you would, but it might have saved your life all the same. I just know that I was head over heels for you, and when you yelled at me, it felt like my heart was broken. So I ran to JD. I liked you all junior year, ya know? I fought saying anything to you about it, because I was scared of being considered a dyke. I was scared that you'd ruin my social life, and it'd get back to my parents, and they'd disown me. I don't know why.”

“I would have,” she huffed, and Veronica once again shrugged. She hated that. She hated that she just shrugged off her comments. If Veronica had kissed her, she would have ruined her life, and that was that. It wasn't something to just shrug off, like she had shrugged off responding to her, had shrugged off that she still existed, for years now.

“Yeah, I know. And maybe that's why I just wanted to keep you near. Maybe, ya know, I was just lonely. I didn't really have a lot of friends, so keeping you near, even though you hurt me and berated me, and made me hate myself… It seemed like the better option. Even if you did ever find out that I was a dyke, then I could deal with that then. Hell, I thought I made it clear I liked you when we were hanging out, when you would call me at night and ramble about whatever was on your mind. It was damn cute, ya know? But I don't know, maybe I was just being a dumb kid,” Veronica sighed, and she sat the pencil down on her desk, straightening her back. It was followed with a sick pop that made her insides twist- or they would have, if she still had insides- but she ignored it all the same.

“Why are you telling me this?” she mumbled, just barely audible, and Veronica stood. It was sudden enough to make her take a few steps back, even though Veronica couldn't touch her, wouldn't be able to do anything to her. But instead of turning around, she started rummaging through a desk drawer, and she couldn't help taking a step closer, curious as to what she was doing.

“Good question. Guess I'm scared I'll never get to say it. I'm scared that what I've thought about, what's haunted me since your death- besides you, of course- is gonna die with me.” Suddenly, Veronica straightened up, all jerky and uneven. In her hand, she held a gun. It was black, and Heather recognised it instantly. It was the same one that Jason Dean had pulled out on Kurt and Ram all those years ago, and the same one she had seen Veronica accidentally shoot him with. That didn't make her any less cold at the sight of it, nor did it make the bullets that came out next any less alarming.

“What are you doing?” she hissed, and grabbed for the gun. Her hand went right through it, waved through it in a mist, and Veronica didn't even seem phased. She ignored her once again, like she had been doing for so many years now, as she loaded one singular bullet. A panic rose in her throat, like bile might have had she been alive, and she tried desperately to snatch it away, to take it from her. Instead, her hands went through Veronica, went through the gun, and she knew it was a lost hope, the moment Veronica turned to look at her again, and smiled. Then, she leaned towards her, and their lips met. Or, they would have, if they had been capable of it. Instead, it was a weak mockery of a kiss, one that made her sicker than she had ever felt, even when drinking the draino. She watched her mouth open, watched the gun slip inside, and screamed when she pulled the trigger.

It all happened so fast. One second, life had been normal, and the next, Veronica was on the ground. Her body was limp, her head long gone, and if Heather could have, she would have thrown up. All she could do instead was turn away, close her eyes, and heave, trying to empty stomach contents she hadn't had in long enough to forget what she had even last ate. She heaved and heaved, even when her world felt black around the edges, even when she knew she was slipping away, and even when she felt lips on her own. She looked up, just in time to meet Veronica's eyes once more, before everything washed away in a flash of white.

**Author's Note:**

> mostly inspired by this song right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql1fZguXX14 seriously its really good, go give it a listen.


End file.
